dark spell

feeling my inner potential fade with each step i age
my fantasy is a rapidly increasing black wall
i never pictured my future as a how but always as a who
now the destination seems further and the road has narrowed
my compass has gone defective and im turned south again
the thought of how interesting my death will be seems almost joyful
not in a morbid way only purity . that one pure moment when your life ends
it can not be recreated just as your life can not be unlived
the mountains you climb in this life weaken you
wiser and yet weaker
this pain has not made me numb yet
god i wish it would
today i choose to see the dark and despair
i choose to except it today
so that i can breathe in everything this world is
and with one exhale
let go
because tomorrow i choose life
i choose to climb again
to one day understand what this darkness has all meant
faith is not a weapon
i only hope that faith is not a weakness

Johnny D

he held the hand and swept his one single perfect straind of hair across his face
with his cigarette still tight between his fingers
the smoke danced through the air and through his hair
i watch him paralyzed
strangled by the reality that i would never smell of his cigarette
my fist gather tight with one hand ripping open my shirt
i want to smash this glass between us
this damn screen that keeps me away from you
i can barely breath
how could god put you on this earth without making you mine
everytime you smile your eyes speak of deception
i want our sick love
bring me this sick love
only you know about my sick love
bring me johnny

you burnt a hole through my soul
with those dough filled eyes
and now ill never be whole
you exist and without disguise

heaven forbid i see you in this city of angels
sick love
sick love
sick love
sick love

just anyone

i thought i could let just anyone fill the void
pass the time
ease the pain
til i met you
then i knew i was wrong
this void would grow
because you were the only thin that could fill it
without you i am a puzzle piece
out of place
awkward
no home
and as much as i am admired
no one will fit me
as much as they may try
no one will know me
i am a shape unique
only for one
so i wait
uncomforted
till you arrive

beauty

insecure lover
frail girl
meets eyes of diamonds
strong hesistation
self doubt
shot of adrenaline
touch of his hand
lose of control
tear down her face
unlike anything else
reach for the wheel
fall to the ground
give up
give in
feel the embrace
of sin
kiss of sin
confusion
love
lost
again
please
please
again

forest

you cant find inspiration, it must find you
and i can not force the wind in my direction
i merely fall into it and hope to be carried back to you
back to the forest of my imagination
where i call and you answer
we are free there
willing to be kind
breathing in the trees pure oxygen
diving into the ocean inside
we are safe to fall
this place exists if not only in my mind
finding it is much more tricky
i hold one key
and you hold the other
they must be used together
and they cant be copied
we hold them deep inside
so only when we hold each other near can we unlock paradise
the warmth opens the door
and surrounds us with light
stars in the sunlight
they almost blind us with joy
look around you
the colors are more vivid then ever
things you never thought possible
become our new reality
when you are near
nature exuberates our return to each other
the elements are at peace when we find our way back to each other
my body becomes soft for you completely yielding to your presence
all harsh imperfections of the old world drift into oblivion
something inside you says loudly to hold on to this moment
we hold on
we stay near
knowing that sometimes truth is the hardest thing to see
the world around us could crumble if we let go
it might shattered like one tiny crack in the dashboard
when we feel it slide down between us so sight
as to say i told you so
the truth will bring the darkness
blanketing the noise around us
the sounds turn black
and all we have left is the feeling of each other
let it pass over us
float through this void
become stronger for me
hold me tighter till the storm passes
prove to me that the darkness is not the truth
prove to me that the forest is the truth
that what we have created is stronger then this world around us
i will defend it, i will protect it
will you?

Teenage Sex

I remember this song
the summer i took acid
we drove to Ocean City in my first car and the headlights broke
I stole a coffee mug with my boyfriend's name on it and spent the night in jail
and when I left the jail at dawn you put shrooms in my mouth
we listened to this song and floated
i just turned 18
life had no rules
life was life
no 9-5
no shocking realities
just kissing by the ocean
and touching felt so amazing
summer love ends
but is never forgotten
i want to hold all my moments like this and tie them together
put them on the chair in my room
no flat screen TV
no designer clothes
no fancy car

I want these memories
proof that i lived
i am alive

even though there is no one swimming in my sea
or making waves
i look at my chair in my room

bad timing

I looked in your eyes tonight and I felt it
something in my body got weak. i melted
however ive seen this road
and ive taken this leap of faith before
i flashed forward to my needing
flash of longing, even deeper cuts then this
how is it possible that i feel pushed to you like a magnet
but fate has us slip by each other again
you are just out of my reach
but i see you
i know you are there
so how could i ignore that
can you?
well lets see.
can you see me and leave me?
do we intervene?
or
let fate take it's course
every instinct i have tells me to try
tells me to not let the past steer my future
i want to be child like
without fear, without pain
but sometimes pain teaches us
what to avoid
what traps are set before us
you are tempting
and i may never be certain if you worth the tears and hard work
i guess i will leave it in your hand
let someone fight for me this time around.
that's how it must be
and i hope you show up
timing was never our strong suit
but we wear it well