dark spell

feeling my inner potential fade with each step i age
my fantasy is a rapidly increasing black wall
i never pictured my future as a how but always as a who
now the destination seems further and the road has narrowed
my compass has gone defective and im turned south again
the thought of how interesting my death will be seems almost joyful
not in a morbid way only purity . that one pure moment when your life ends
it can not be recreated just as your life can not be unlived
the mountains you climb in this life weaken you
wiser and yet weaker
this pain has not made me numb yet
god i wish it would
today i choose to see the dark and despair
i choose to except it today
so that i can breathe in everything this world is
and with one exhale
let go
because tomorrow i choose life
i choose to climb again
to one day understand what this darkness has all meant
faith is not a weapon
i only hope that faith is not a weakness

Johnny D

he held the hand and swept his one single perfect straind of hair across his face
with his cigarette still tight between his fingers
the smoke danced through the air and through his hair
i watch him paralyzed
strangled by the reality that i would never smell of his cigarette
my fist gather tight with one hand ripping open my shirt
i want to smash this glass between us
this damn screen that keeps me away from you
i can barely breath
how could god put you on this earth without making you mine
everytime you smile your eyes speak of deception
i want our sick love
bring me this sick love
only you know about my sick love
bring me johnny

you burnt a hole through my soul
with those dough filled eyes
and now ill never be whole
you exist and without disguise

heaven forbid i see you in this city of angels
sick love
sick love
sick love
sick love

just anyone

i thought i could let just anyone fill the void
pass the time
ease the pain
til i met you
then i knew i was wrong
this void would grow
because you were the only thin that could fill it
without you i am a puzzle piece
out of place
awkward
no home
and as much as i am admired
no one will fit me
as much as they may try
no one will know me
i am a shape unique
only for one
so i wait
uncomforted
till you arrive