its hard to remember now what things were even important enough to pick at
to push you away
so i didnt have to deal with the pain of being apart
because I couldnt possibly accept my own happiness
feel worthy, truly worthy of this love

someone told me once it takes time to adjust to anything
even love
even happiness

its hard to adjust when the person you want closest to you is ripped from your arms.
so far apart and making the distance farther
I created the fear and doubt
a blanket i know all to well
predict my own downfall
because sadness can never let you down

I want to accept our love
I want to invite happiness again
Come home to me

everyday is more unbearable
im longing from a distance

i can not mourn you again and again
when all i want is to celebrate

dont you see us
dont you see me

im still your girl

forgive me

let me in again

i promise ill behave

dreams

(Now I'll tell you openly
you have my heart
so dont hurt me)


Ive never been one to be caught speechless
you've done it to me
im beneath waves
slowly pulling me under
ive never been so happy to drown

this is for you
I AM for you
how could I not be?

my dreams have become a side game to my reality
a back seat
a pale comparison

i will wait forever

Prisoner

ive never had a loss of words
but somehow i am
i am completely naked
slowly becoming a prisoner to these feelings
you are the only one
i will protect you
can you make me feel this way forever?
keep me a prisoner
i will fight to excite you
can hold me down when I resist you?
when morning arrives we will see the same sun
do you sometimes wonder if I want to escape you?
never
the night does not resist the day
i wont let anything come between us
you are my captor
i will not escape you

in this cell ive seen into paradise
please
please
please
take me there
im yours

Our hearts align

Some of us find fame
Some of us find god
We find what we have in this world that makes us rich
but then I found you
and none of that mattered
because I had YOU
and you are the planet
and I am your moon

There was never a need to tell you
why we co-exist
why we pull to each other the way we do

You opened a floodgate in me
and I am bursting at my seems
to give you everything
to stare in your eyes and let my journey come to a climax


The beauty in this world is all inside of us
we are gods my love
45 days to live
45 days to countdown
45 days to see my forever

Our hearts are big and red
Our hearts aligned to see the future

We have discovered each other
Like Christopher to America
we will write songs
we will co create
i will never run out
because you make me alive

Our story has just begun
turn the page

hourglass

this is real
cant believe it
i feel like im spinning
cant stop
dont want to
how do you know just how to make me feel the way you do
cause my mind is pacing
and my hearts on fire
you make my gray days bright

waiting is so hard
but ive never been so pleased to wait
ill stay here
ill set a fire through the wires
they will reach you
because my world is not upside down
you have found me
i am right side up
and has no one ever seen you
you are a diamond
brilliant
you are a map
i cant wait to unfold you
discover you
page
by
page

second
by
second

i am looking through the hourglass
as the sands fall
im counting the moments
each one better then the next
thank you

fear

pure

inside im am bubbling
when you are near
the sound of your voice is music
it is softly waking me up
and i see colors differently now
what a wonderful surprise
to know you are out there in the world
you are a gift
and each day i find out more
i want more
for you ive taken down my defenses
for you ill be free of fear
you make me feel safe
it is so beautiful
when you smile my heart lights up with joy
whatever happens now we create
its so clean and fresh
so new and bright
i cant wait to know more of you
this is only the beginning

dark spell

feeling my inner potential fade with each step i age
my fantasy is a rapidly increasing black wall
i never pictured my future as a how but always as a who
now the destination seems further and the road has narrowed
my compass has gone defective and im turned south again
the thought of how interesting my death will be seems almost joyful
not in a morbid way only purity . that one pure moment when your life ends
it can not be recreated just as your life can not be unlived
the mountains you climb in this life weaken you
wiser and yet weaker
this pain has not made me numb yet
god i wish it would
today i choose to see the dark and despair
i choose to except it today
so that i can breathe in everything this world is
and with one exhale
let go
because tomorrow i choose life
i choose to climb again
to one day understand what this darkness has all meant
faith is not a weapon
i only hope that faith is not a weakness

Johnny D

he held the hand and swept his one single perfect straind of hair across his face
with his cigarette still tight between his fingers
the smoke danced through the air and through his hair
i watch him paralyzed
strangled by the reality that i would never smell of his cigarette
my fist gather tight with one hand ripping open my shirt
i want to smash this glass between us
this damn screen that keeps me away from you
i can barely breath
how could god put you on this earth without making you mine
everytime you smile your eyes speak of deception
i want our sick love
bring me this sick love
only you know about my sick love
bring me johnny

you burnt a hole through my soul
with those dough filled eyes
and now ill never be whole
you exist and without disguise

heaven forbid i see you in this city of angels
sick love
sick love
sick love
sick love

just anyone

i thought i could let just anyone fill the void
pass the time
ease the pain
til i met you
then i knew i was wrong
this void would grow
because you were the only thin that could fill it
without you i am a puzzle piece
out of place
awkward
no home
and as much as i am admired
no one will fit me
as much as they may try
no one will know me
i am a shape unique
only for one
so i wait
uncomforted
till you arrive