Tuesday, December 28, 2010


insecure lover
frail girl
meets eyes of diamonds
strong hesistation
self doubt
shot of adrenaline
touch of his hand
lose of control
tear down her face
unlike anything else
reach for the wheel
fall to the ground
give up
give in
feel the embrace
of sin
kiss of sin


you cant find inspiration, it must find you
and i can not force the wind in my direction
i merely fall into it and hope to be carried back to you
back to the forest of my imagination
where i call and you answer
we are free there
willing to be kind
breathing in the trees pure oxygen
diving into the ocean inside
we are safe to fall
this place exists if not only in my mind
finding it is much more tricky
i hold one key
and you hold the other
they must be used together
and they cant be copied
we hold them deep inside
so only when we hold each other near can we unlock paradise
the warmth opens the door
and surrounds us with light
stars in the sunlight
they almost blind us with joy
look around you
the colors are more vivid then ever
things you never thought possible
become our new reality
when you are near
nature exuberates our return to each other
the elements are at peace when we find our way back to each other
my body becomes soft for you completely yielding to your presence
all harsh imperfections of the old world drift into oblivion
something inside you says loudly to hold on to this moment
we hold on
we stay near
knowing that sometimes truth is the hardest thing to see
the world around us could crumble if we let go
it might shattered like one tiny crack in the dashboard
when we feel it slide down between us so sight
as to say i told you so
the truth will bring the darkness
blanketing the noise around us
the sounds turn black
and all we have left is the feeling of each other
let it pass over us
float through this void
become stronger for me
hold me tighter till the storm passes
prove to me that the darkness is not the truth
prove to me that the forest is the truth
that what we have created is stronger then this world around us
i will defend it, i will protect it
will you?

Friday, December 24, 2010

Teenage Sex

I remember this song
the summer i took acid
we drove to Ocean City in my first car and the headlights broke
I stole a coffee mug with my boyfriend's name on it and spent the night in jail
and when I left the jail at dawn you put shrooms in my mouth
we listened to this song and floated
i just turned 18
life had no rules
life was life
no 9-5
no shocking realities
just kissing by the ocean
and touching felt so amazing
summer love ends
but is never forgotten
i want to hold all my moments like this and tie them together
put them on the chair in my room
no flat screen TV
no designer clothes
no fancy car

I want these memories
proof that i lived
i am alive

even though there is no one swimming in my sea
or making waves
i look at my chair in my room

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

bad timing

I looked in your eyes tonight and I felt it
something in my body got weak. i melted
however ive seen this road
and ive taken this leap of faith before
i flashed forward to my needing
flash of longing, even deeper cuts then this
how is it possible that i feel pushed to you like a magnet
but fate has us slip by each other again
you are just out of my reach
but i see you
i know you are there
so how could i ignore that
can you?
well lets see.
can you see me and leave me?
do we intervene?
let fate take it's course
every instinct i have tells me to try
tells me to not let the past steer my future
i want to be child like
without fear, without pain
but sometimes pain teaches us
what to avoid
what traps are set before us
you are tempting
and i may never be certain if you worth the tears and hard work
i guess i will leave it in your hand
let someone fight for me this time around.
that's how it must be
and i hope you show up
timing was never our strong suit
but we wear it well

Friday, December 10, 2010


I want to kill everybody in the world
I want to eat your heart
I want to fuck everybody in the world
I want to taste the flesh
I want to swallow everybody in the world
I want to digest your soul
I want to devour everybody in the world
I want to ingest there calories
I want to remove everybody in the world
I want to cum on your face
I want to numb everybody in the world
I want to stop this pain

Sunday, December 5, 2010


i want so much more this time
not to just look in your eyes
or your soul
i want the world to stand still
i want your touch to stop my restless body
and you dont exist
im dying each day
losing myself
to be special
to be popular
to be seen
when all i want is to find my peace in this world

instead i find meaningless one night stands
when all i have is love in my heart
i want to connect
i want to feel flesh
i want to consume
and nothing is ever enough
please exist
stop making my body ache for you
im starving alone without you
my mind
my spirit
is fading

with every superficial light
with every bad decision

am i on the path away from ever finding you?
where do I turn?
when i can no longer trust myself.