starving

i want so much more this time
not to just look in your eyes
or your soul
i want the world to stand still
i want your touch to stop my restless body
and you dont exist
im dying each day
losing myself
to be special
to be popular
to be seen
when all i want is to find my peace in this world

instead i find meaningless one night stands
anger
resentment
when all i have is love in my heart
i want to connect
i want to feel flesh
i want to consume
and nothing is ever enough
please exist
stop making my body ache for you
im starving alone without you
my mind
my spirit
is fading

with every superficial light
with every bad decision

am i on the path away from ever finding you?
where do I turn?
when i can no longer trust myself.