Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Snow falls so heavy cross the sky
tears freeze down my face
nothing can repair the mistakes we've made
and the pain it has caused can not be erased

i will give you away to this world
run free and make your way
just another burn to my soul

i close my eyes to dream
of a future where we are happy
when we look at each other with a soft longing

i have told myself that i have been through worse
i can survive the storm
how many more storms does this life have in store for me?
when do i get peace?

Our love was a flash in the pan
i dont want to see you move on
burn inside forever

remember me
and maybe next life we will get it right

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


I lay my head down with a cool rage
your words drift over my bed

we stay at a cease fire
collecting the fragmented feeling
covered in our ectoplasm
trying to salvage my ego off the sidewalk

realizing my passion isnt even strong enough
to sneak through this foggy night and end this fight

im stoned
and you hold the sling

drink your self right tonight

you lost a piece of me

who pushed who away
think one more time
the power of my mind
bigger then whats between the sheets

there is no white flag
just the dim orange lights on this skyline

Monday, July 23, 2012

Marla Singer

Marla Singer: There are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.

Narrator: I know, and I'm sorry...

Marla Singer: Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everybody's sorry, but... I can't do this anymore. I can't. And I won't. I'm gone

Our relationship summed up.

I dont want to be normal

How many passion filled, insane, terribly wrong yet terribly fun relationships do you get in this lifetime??

I want you to say you are sorry.

I want you to never touch me like that again

Its wrong. I get it

like booze

like coke

like sex without condoms

like anything fun

id rather play with fire then drink luke warm water the rest of my life

we have had a shelf life that we were all too aware of since day one

im sick of it

fuck all the reasons its wrong

or the people who tell me all the reasons

you are my partner in crime

you think I dont get it

but you know i do

I understand you more then you know

you want to do right and work hard

there is a battle going on inside you

you told me i used to be your sanctuary away from all the stress

thats exactly what you are for me

everyone around me is verying shades of grey

and you are my neon color

you turned on me

thats why i cry

we could have been in this together

Saturday, June 16, 2012


The weekend has just begun!


wish you would shut me up
just grab me by my hair and shut me up
nothing is gonna make it better
so let get primitive
turn off the world
turn off the choices

we know what to do

you know what to do

so make it better
not forever
nothing is gonna fix forever

and nothing's gonna fix us

so why not

im your woman
for now
my heart holds the key to my legs

you still own a key to my heart

but im ready to change the locks

there is still fire
dont let it cool off
just yet

dance with me for one night
if tomorrow never comes
i still couldnt help feeling you tonight

time heals all wounds
and that is the sad truth
so i can only hold on so long

open my floodgates
i want to flood for you one more time

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Vicente + Micah = most fun ever

from london to miami to la to barcelona to new york city

and now back in LA

our love continues this weekend

new news

my website is underway, so exciting
photo shoot coming soon with my vintage weapon based accessory line
Holy Ship booked!! :) aussies and me
school re-start date June 19th , passed my entry examine with flying colors!!
new way of eating is coming along step by step
new music project with a super talented boy
business plan for 2013 up and running
writing much more often

iam very excited how this year is unfolding

the only thing holding me back was taking care of others, trying to make other people happy. even though it is still such a huge part of my character, im realizing who deserves my care and who does not.
once i stopped i looked around me and saw all the people that were just waiting to take care of me!

taking positive steps towards a more productive future

Monday, June 11, 2012

they always return

practice makes perfect
old lovers make old comments
my eyelids are heavy
yet sleep is not kind tonight
dramatic in text
bland in los angeles
how many risks can a girl take
you are the least of my problems
but you make a good story
hangover part 2 is a crime
i have no attraction left in me
im ready to leave the plane
thoughts are good enough for me
actions seem to be the only thing worth a damn
sick of patterns
loss of interest

they always come back
just a matter of when
or how many times

this week ive had plenty

im the one that got away

grass is greener
but never as green as my eyes

i feel an instant karma of self
writing gives a sense of release
type of vomit
i do not want the advice that i have asked for

im changing my mind all the time
chasing a yesterday
losing today

can not seem to feel
oh yeah
i get it
i was angry
now im not
i was sad
now im not
i was in love
now im not
i was blind
now my eyes are only shut

in my labryinth
i will emerge

i will not use spell check
i will not converge

im proud of my brain
and what wonder is me
what ever ill feelings
i give back to thee

building scar tissue
in the place where you once were
my minds eye has made you a shadow
drunk, smelly, mean shadow
somewhat of a blur

i no longer place you higher
you are right where you belong

my heart was big and shiny
looking at you with pureness
you shit on it
does that feel good?

im not looking to have the last word or show you someday
because you already feel it
i have gone away

no one left to look down on
im not there
i take me back

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Liar Liar

Liar Liar
your world is on fire
Liar Liar
fix your flat tire

energy flowing yet never the same
once fueled by passion
now fueled by pain

love in a vortex
new age bullshit
the teenage riot inside me
can never forget

Excuse me Mister
have you lost your mind?
you have broken a contract
that you forgot to sign

Liar Liar
you have no desire
Liar Liar
its always down to your wire

if i miss you then yes
maybe thats what im wanting
the longing
the pain that brings art

i dont know how to make sense of us
i see no known future

im happy with you
im happy without you
im sad with you
im sad without you

even the boss needs a boss

Friday, June 8, 2012


My step by step detox is going so well!
I have taken small steps and Im so proud to say I am really making progress and feel SO much better.
My next few steps this week are going to home depot this weekend to start my garden. I am removing meat from my diet, and I love my new habit of buying fresh food daily and COOKING!!

Meditation 20 minutes every morning
No more TV
More focused attention on my range of creativity
MUCH LESS alcohol
hot baths :)

the benefits I can see for sure are weight loss, clear skin, feeling healthy, energy, deeper sleep

please follow my new fb for great tips


I wish i had one in my house

Thursday, June 7, 2012

self love just got even more fun

I wrote about this years ago and not until just now am I actually accepting this as my practice!

Why I can have multiple orgasms to just thoughts of nature, or spend literally hours sometimes days to this!!

This has been something i have been doing since the age of 9. Now i understand my sexual energy is just where my body feels most in touch with self or higher self. I think clearly during and after as well as feeling a deep connection to the earth. Also why sex can be a somewhat religious experience and can give my relationships too much power (that other person) I find it healing. On a much deeper level then I ever could grasp before. Im only sharing these graphic details so if others female/male alike experience this they wont feel alone or shame like I did.

Its your body. Do not let others shame you for what you decide to do what it.
Meditation during masturbation can be a deeply moving experience and give you internal insight, relieve stress, get rid of headaches, and in my case acts like a workout/sauna.
No chance of pregnancy, STDS, or misguided relationships.
You connect to yourself, you learn what you enjoy and you work through whatever bizarre thoughts may pop into your mind. If you can accept your deep inner thoughts you can begin to work though them and sort out which ones serve you and which ones may be toxic and bring negativity into your life.

I suggest trying to remove all porn or typically used thoughts for arousal just use deep breathing and see where your mind leads you.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Thank you

you are giving me what i need
thank you
sometimes its hard for me to see

space and time
its just a dream
but i got what was in my mind's eye

i cant make you love you
your ego ate the day

one last destructive reflection
before i shift away

you are a beauty in my eyes
now its time for me to see myself

i am
so thank you

New Ladyhawke!! :)

Monday, June 4, 2012


So I found a white cabriolet!! only $1500. Im on the fence to buy it or not. Ive been car-free for 3 years and I love it, but I have always wanted this car... dun dun dun.

I have had a friend's car for the past couple of days and I must admit it has been nice. Last night I went to Universal city walk and Downtown within minutes.


Can you picture how cute I will be in it?? I CAN!!

stop the demand! make way for a new business community

YESSSSSSS!!!!! sooo good

You said you weren't looking

rattin,rye rye,sams,star wars, blow out fights,buddha mug jizz,wacko,dancing in the alley,shrooms,cops,car problems,burbank,wetface,margaritas,burbank,batting cage,lancers,pregnancy,birth control,nature trips,las vegas, mattress in the highway,stars in the sky, 90 mile an hour blowies,photo booths, dressing rooms,my bed,your bed,hard rock beds,hotel bathtubs,running from strip clubs, fights, make ups, make outs, ups, downs, sword fights, yogurtland, laughing, crying, falling for you,pissed at you, missing you, thinking about you, hard to let go,not getting what I want, too young, too far, excuses, no sex, more success, lying to ourselves to pass the time, heart hurts, such a waste, pretending to understand the reasons why it shouldn't work, every amazing thing worth having or happening has a million reasons why it shouldn't work why it should be impossible, I don't give a shit, life is too short for us to not have fun, play with me again! If we are all just characters in your world then I'm the lead role! The story line gets pretty dull without me, I wasn't done knowing you, I'm not sure I ever did. If I think too long I don't like the image so I'll end it here for now.

Friday, June 1, 2012


I am integrating my sites. :)


The detox is going well! (other then a few headaches)
My synchronicity with each small step and change is speeding up
listening to my heart and intuition is also increasingly easier
especially without my constant litering my body with toxic substance, food, humans
instead of my belief that a detox must be ALL or NOTHING
i have slowly retrained myself to remove one bad habit at a time
one false belief at a time
as i do my emotions and vibrations have lighten up
which helps me to continue by seeing a better version of myself everyday

Im going to track my progress and also share what I have been doing so that maybe this can help others. I do realize I have had the amazing opportunity of free time of the past few months, so this has allowed me to expand at my own rate. Also I must remind you it took me some months of partying and escaping to come to this state. My mind was not at ease with it's natural state. I have been in work field for over a decade sometimes working up to 80 hours a week! So my guilt was so strong when I did take this time off that i felt the need to escape my guilt with substance, outside love and acceptance. That was never the way! Only a way to cover up or mask. The truth is as soon as you understand you have NO NEED to escape and that all you need is inside love and acceptance, you will be free.

My first suggestion is self education!!

We live in an era where access to knowledge is the most accessible it has ever been in human history. If you are anything like me you have used this technological super era in way to benefit your short term needs for socializing, entertainment, or sexual release. Instead use this tool as a window to a new collective consciousness. I started with physics and metaphysics. As I studied I started to view my mind, heart, and soul in a completely different light.

I will link some websites and books that have helped me dramatically.

Second is realizing your true power as a consumer!!

I have always had this in me yet somewhere along the way I was either too lazy or lost allignment with my values. I am speaking of a few things. Personal consumption of food, drink, retail, entertainment...ect. For instance I have NEVER been a fan of horror films! I do not agree with the idea of glorifying gratuitous violence. Yet somewhere along the line having a best friend who makes horror films and having an ex husband who loved horror films I allowed myself to watch some films that did NOT allign with my values. This is just an example but think of how quickly this can be changed. I simply no longer watch what I do not want to see. Same goes for food and clothing. I am slowly coming back to my core values. No longer supporting companies who have no social responsibilities. Choosing to walk to my farmers market instead of a near by supermarket. Choosing to create my own clothing or buy from a local vendor. Supporting causes that allign with my values gives me happiness! We have been tricked along the years by marketing ploys that big labels, money, shiny things will give us joy. The truth is that is the grand illusion. Keeping the masses slaves to corporations. If you choose to unplug from the tv and mass appeal you will soon see it for what it truly is I promise.

Third is get into nature!

Something I have been craving for so long but never seemed to actually get around to doing. This week I have reconnected by hiking, sleeping outside, getting away from crowded areas, bars, ect. Without the pollution of outside sources it is so much easier to hear your true inner voice! What YOU really want and who YOU really are! Nature gives off such inspiration and beauty. Meditation in a silent place that is outside has done magic for me.

I hope this helps. I will update my progress and soon put up new websites including the collective I am part of.


Thursday, May 31, 2012

come drink wine and stop cancer :) win win!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

new mind,new heart

Dear friends,

Thank you for anyone that has stumbled upon my blog or follows it. This has been an amazing release for me over the years. I will now be elevating it along with the rest of my vibrations. Slowly but surely. I have decided to be selfish for once and stop sharing my ideas and free support to all those around me. I will remain the free and generous spirit that I am with a few inner changes. Seems my heart is a broken record at the moment and I intend to repair that now.

There has been a block on my focus and energy for about a year now. Even though finding out that my heart is capable to love again was exciting, seems to have only been yet another obstacle in my path. I seem to hit a wall everytime I get to a certain amount of progress. I choose back in March to go back to school, it took months to find my papers and get enrolled only to have my start date time and time again be pushed back. So I stayed in a holding pattern, a web almost. Losing my desire for anything except deeper inner meaning and lust/love. One would side track the other. One to indulge the other. The chaos that surrounded my lust was an amazing ride and keep me quite occupied while waiting. The pills kept me some what numb while I dealt with death in my family and the deep pain of my own dark past. I guess I never truly thought to myself that I deserved more then what I have always been given. I was taught how to manipulate through guilt at a young age not even realizing this until just this week how deep of a pattern this was. My pain had turned to need and that need has pulled and pushed a negative vibration to me.

Now that I have identified these broken patterns it is my mission to repair them. The challenge to love myself through these growing pains has been the biggest of all the challenges. I do believe that I have supplied this world and my loved ones with great light, love and support. Its time I gave myself this same love and light. Lust has been a downfall for true love in my life for the past decade.

Currently I am just humbled by my continued journey in life. The universe that exists outside me has been my fascination thus far and now I am finally observing the universe within. Science and spirituality is finally peaking and taking the main stage. Change happens, we evolve. I embrace 2012 as a year of challenge and development. My task now is patience while I set up my success for 2013.

And wherever you are Carl Sagan, thank you.

as our great minds come together and time speeds up we are becoming a more dense universe

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Mark Twain

I hope the fragance of my forgiveness to others can be a reminder of my approval of them. In turn help them to find an inner approval.
This week I am working on true forgiveness and letting go of any resentment that i may not have acknowledged before so that I can heal it and move past it.
Violet flowers for my house in spirit of this amazing quote by Mark Twain which so beautifully sums up the act of forgiving not only others but yourself.

Also realizing my own nature was never to manipulate by guilt but a flaw passed down by the generation before that only did what was in their own limited power and knowledge. I know I have more power and understanding now, and that my patterns can be changed. I am thankful to the people in my life in the past few months that have reflected this. Just like the friend who tells you you have something in your teeth. Even though it my embarrass you at first, you might even be some what angered you realize this is a TRUE friend. This is love. Helping the people around you. Wouldnt you rather know you had something in your teeth then continue to speak to different people the whole day without being told?? How would anything be repaired?

Not everything is as easy to repair or restore. Love and continued forgiveness of yourself and others is the only way towards a more peaceful and happy life. I am already manifesting this and see it forming. I am very grateful.


Monday, May 28, 2012

the door is open

i must have lied to myself a million times
that i wasnt selling out
at least i have the power to correct that

no one of us is any better then the next
ive given to you purely
as flawed as i may be
i let you see me

i saw you once a long time ago
you came to my house
the lines in your forehead were gone
you looked at me with trust and love
and somehow i broke it

but i am only human
and you let me have that trust far too soon
i went against my better judgement
i listened to my heart
and i dont regret anything
because you taught me so much

even if my lesson is still patience
i have never had so much with one man
you taught me that im capible of that

however i guess there is no accounting for the hearts wants
my heart gives big
and wants big in return

if patience is my lesson
then i am truly going to try to pay attention

you are free.
as free as you were when you met me
and as free as you were the entire time

i love myself enough to know that i can not allow you to treat me the way you have been
and i love you enough to know that you are in over your head

i hope you start your mornings better baby
and i hope we meet in our dreams
in our true forms
without anger, resentment, jealousy or hurtful words

if you could only see you through my eyes
i think you would understand how deeply i care for you


The Pineal Gland - The

I am detoxing my brain. Its final! Im selling my TV, getting a landline telephone, and changing my diet completely.

back to the original plan for 2012. no more distractions.

the world exists inside , so time to clean house

Im so convinced.

its going to be hard but i need to see what happens


a few months back something inside me said music is our universal language
it has always been paramount in how i have choosen friends, boyfriends ect.
even though this seems so simple
it gives way to my primal needs and that i am more in tune than most
im in process of changing my sound waves

there is no physical reality
only energy
mine is more powerful then most
which is hard for me to control around others
in the world i am now
most human energy is not in tune with my own

i have chose most my life to try to lower my waves
or drown them down with some drug form
in order to have love or comfort from others in my physical realm

because of upbringing and outside influences i have formed a belief structure which up until now i never understood why i constantly rebeled against
now i see that i was only rebeling against false information my soul was keeping me safe from
not my mother or father
not my family or friends
or even God

i was simply breaking free from the masses
trapped in this low frequency reality
my internal journey the past few months has changed my entire outlook

i was blessed with a powerful mind
an IQ of 158
a beautiful outer being

my soul has been longing for a twin flame
however i realize now this realm may not have that to offer me

there is something still blocking me from true vision
however with each person i encounter
every situation i get into
im slowly removing my own blocks
and now that i am sure time is only a fiction of the mind
i am no longer in the rat race for success
no longer subject to outside perception

there is something higher
i feel this in every cell of my body
yet i have no grasp on how to look up
how to see

so i will enjoy the fundamental joys we are given in this physical world
the ability to love
the ability to eat
the ability to feel
the ability to create
i will dance everyday, i will smile every morning, i will laugh as much as possible, i will have as much sex as i can, i will cook delicious food, i will meditate, i will be at peace, i will make amazing music, and i will give my amazing energy where it is given back in return. all while being a bad ass, goth, wild child.

i love being me

Thursday, May 24, 2012

time is fiction

joke is on me it seems
you said to watch your actions
and not listen to your words
well seems like the actions have finally made an impression

you do what you want
i could never stop you anyway
but funny thing is i know somehow you are saving me
from you

i am not mad
i am not sad

i am at peace with your actions

i am at peace with mine

i never compromised myself

now i know that my giving has a limit
and im so happy i found it

i can still be me
i found my boundaries
they may be different then most
at least now they exist

ive come to the fence of my life to yours
and i extended my hand over
however you reject my hand
i stay in tack
and without loss of my moral compass

i will live to give again
and moving on seems so much easier now

friendship can with stand the test of time

time is just of fiction of my mind

i will survive
and so will you

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

i want to remix this and put my own vocals on this!!

hearts filthy lesson

you broke me.
you know who you are.
ive spent the last year piecing myself into the person i was before you

my trust was childlike
my heart was open

and now i cant remember your face
or who you are
all i remember is the pain
and the pain that haunts me
that steers my new relationships

because you weren't man enough to be honest to me
and i see you check up on me
i hear about you checking up on me
that i haunt you too

she wasnt me
but she did live down the street
she did live in the same country

our fate would have always been this fate
but why did you have to take my ability to trust

now i cant spot the good guys
because if you werent the best man i had ever known
then what do i know

it pains me now to give to the one i want to
will i regret it again
i question my judgement

i finally gave away the last piece of you today

and it felt like poetic justice
"never have to be alone"
i gave it knowing that I MEANT IT

i wish i could say i miss you
but i wouldnt even know what i was missing
you fooled me so good

maybe i miss who i thought you were
but what do i know
never knew you
i miss me

me before you

Curiosity killed the cat

I would love to have an off button for my curiosity
the endless wondering about life and the creaures around me
the choices they make
how they work

like how on earth could someone who in their own mind think they love you one minute
and have no regard for you the next second
or how i could manage to care for that same person even though my rational thought has completely given up

is it easier to think of one pain verses another
like the old trick of pinching one part of your body to distract another from an even more immense trauma

or why when everyone pulls near me i shut down and hide
i reach for one
the very one that is the source of pain and neglect

its no wonder my balance is off
our entire world is fucked at the moment

instead of elevating myself where i belong
im reaching my hand down consistently to help someone

i can always find a mouth to feed
to bite my hand

but i havent quite found the switch that turns off my heart

ive run to the end of my rope with you
because i cant change who i am
and who I am is a person who gives a fuck and gives her all
i deserve that in return

Monday, May 21, 2012

thank you greg.. i love these!

coming soon

My birthday has started my new year, a new era for all things creative within me that have been cocooning inside me for months.
This is the new beginning of ME

Business plans

Im very excited to announce the new things I am working on

I know their are only a few hundred people that follow this blog, but soon I will be expand it and all my old music I took off this page will be re-posted :)

This has been my scrap book for the past few years,
thank you to anyone who has followed it and enjoys it

So now stay tuned...


the moon climbs the top of my window and lays perched with one eye open
and i stare back as its equal
being stirred by this music
i sway like the ocean after a storm
finding my balance again
under my moon

my head is swimming with nostalgia
pressing forward into these unsteady winds
i feel my inner calm seep through the shore
and i feel embraced by the feeling

you are making me disobey gravity
and i can not find my place
my feet slide on the ground
the sway of this beat
only long enough for my head to reach the clouds

and kiss the moon goodnight
i remind him to watch you
to keep you safe
and fill you with my love

goodnight moon

-Micah Jami

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Friday, May 18, 2012

Birthday weekend. dancing with friends, moombahton, its time to have fun!!!!

Flosstradamus And Kid Sister - Luuk Out Girl (Team Bayside High Moombahton Remix) by Team Bayside High

Happy Birthday Me!!!!,r:0,s:0,i:123

birthday wishes :)


vanity it pulls me under
pride has never been my fault
ego our achilles heel

the ability to self destruct has always been a fascination
so why let it end with a bang, with a hang
why not let it age

like anything worth having in this world
pain comes first
so why not prolong this pain
prolong the fall to the end

the beauty in words that has always captured me
is the release in my inner world
can become anyone's anything

we choose to see what we want
to take in a morbid vibe
or see great light in a twist of vision

my vision is blurred
my eyelids heavy
my fingers gliding towards the easiest option
to somehow express myself without spell check

maybe expressing is a wazte
goodnight me

Thursday, May 17, 2012

we all need lyrics sometimes

RE: reaction

seems like this past two months has been a lifetime
i want to remember normality
i crave routine
so i guess i set myself up well
and i will get what i wish for

having no regrets is hard when you have a mouth that is faster then your brain
so i have "cat like reflexes"
well i fucking hate cats
maybe thats why

i dont want to change what has happened
just dont want to make the same mistakes

almost life
almost death

the extremes have made me numb

i wish i could hold your hand
we could just be still together
have it all wash over us

a wave of mutual forgiveness
a wave of quiet understanding

no excuses
no mind numbing conversation

to be so still that the space between us tightens
leave our egos at the door

could we try?

Sunday, May 13, 2012


i chose the rabbit hole
and how far down it goes we all know
the only thing we seem not to know is how to come back up
how to reach up
look up
climb up

how to realize our dreams
instead of avoiding our nightmares

i am a nebula

my mind gives birth to stars
each one
whether it fail
or not

nothing fails
nothing ends

the power of words, thoughts in motion

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


Everything is nothing

our reality is a luxury which we toy with

and love and sex and god
merely consumption

we are creators
we are gas
we are liquid
we are nothing

fuck this
fuck all

how much can I with stand???

i can only be so strong

GOD please stop my mother
GOD please stop yourself

GOD take back the bang that gave us such chaos

GOD we loved you

GOD you were the one

SO how is it that now i stand divided
take the hand the blinds me
or the hand that leads me to the unbearable truth

i have nothing but love in my heart
it beats with confusion

help me GOD

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Rubix Cube

i remember what stayed on my mind finally at the bar that night in my hyperactive haze i asked if anyone still believes in love really you said you had it and you looked away, a dark gaze that sting of failure you shook it off and took a shot but it stayed with me you felt comfortable in your own skin even with your blatant insecurities you were secure in them i must say it was intoxicating i had your attention even if it was just the corner of your eye careful not to give me too much or be too curious never knew beneath the surface was a man because the pheromones were all man the look was all boy it keeps getting better you are my cocktail choose my own adventure my page turner my rubix cube all i want to say is FUCK YESSSSSS no one rides like you you got the keys to the ferrari tell you the rest later

Saturday, April 14, 2012

unorganized thoughts

the letter came today
it told me that ive started a new chapter
i dont have to live this way anymore

something bigger is waiting
i had stopped dreaming about me
no more no not no more

looking at me through your tinted glass
i dont want to see your tainted vision
its not real
like nothing and everything always is

i choose my tainted vision
the colors that paint me important
the vision that knows my worth

so stop looking at me
i know you are trying
because its easier for you

you wish you could stop looking
so nothing had to change
so you could forget how happy you are
just laying next to me

if you want to i can be the strong one

i dont need to see you
we dont need to ever find out what could of been

all of it shrinks into nothing
now you got what you always wanted
you have pushed me far away

i didnt mean to bone your dad

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


i want to void this day.
is that possible?
even sleep wont save my daymare
my champagne daymare

i never knew how to accept not getting my way
impatience and short sided vision have been guiding me too long
im starting to doubt my kindness

why can i give to anyone and everyone in need, except myself
i thought i was getting closer to it
yet life seems to be dangling this carrot in front of my face
in the shape of spiritual breakthrough
more like break down
im ready to build up

if i could just sleep

i can say i dont need anyone
i dont feel it
when will i ever wake up and realize im on my own
as always

an island

with tropical storms and beautiful beaches
clear waters that run deeper then most can swim

one complex island
all for me

Sunday, April 8, 2012


passion is expensive
and i am paying my price with you
i would give up all my riches
all my energy
for you

our sex is luxury that not many ever find

i breathe you in
its so hard to exhale

i felt you
when you sang
i was high
off you

every once in a while I catch your eye...
and lose time.i lose sense.
love is too cliche

i can not tell you i love you
its not the word

i want to climb you
i want to explore you
i want to know you

share all my inner thoughts
reach to the end
dig inside our minds
and rescue the secrets

those secrets that make us special
you are
want me to show you?
how special you are
just let me
stay tuned


you make it so hard to fall
how can i
give you me
i am a prism
so perfectly shattered

so how can i hurt you
when you have held me at arms length
you send beams of light through me
then dark. so dark

you have already taken so much of my pride
although I must thank you for that
turns out my pride was like money
mo pride mo problems

i want to stay on this ride
feel you shift inside
my mind is so turned on
my heart is rejecting this game
my body is wet and ready

so lets ride

maybe it is my turn to pump the heat
maybe I should make you ride
twist your mind into knots
create doubt

we are creators after all
you are my co writer
we are passengers of the emotions we send through each other
and im becoming addicted
if i fall in now
you might be my downfall

have I made you feel too safe?
how silly of me
i will correct that
never mistake my eternal kindness
for weakness
however addicting you may be
i am stronger then any drug. any emotion.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

you feel like this

what a terrible world it would be if we could not desire the flesh the way we do

Monday, April 2, 2012

green tequila

the beauty between us is simple
you shut down everything i have ever known to be right

because when you are near i can not give license to any of my words,
gravity seems to release me just enough to give you control
when i open up you pour into my mouth
and i am bound by my senses

love is not at risk
no there is much more then that
pride and ego
is what we put on the table,the bed

i want you to win
even if it means that i lose

ive given you every advantage
every doorway out
but you will only leave me on your terms
i see that now
only when i am weak
when i fall asleep in your arms is when im in the most danger

i would love to dive into you just once
to calm the storms inside you
those storms that show in your gray blue eyes
the battles you have pushed away

you are a lion
but you hide in the bush
fear is not in your roar
not in your bite
they fear the power you will never show
remember you hold it

you make my heart pump like music
my pulse skips and trembles
i charge from you

curse the day that i give you away

when i met you i felt rich
not lottery rich

scary investment rich...
i want to show off but i cant
i feel like im on the edge of being let down every second
you are only for me right now

i dont want to spend you


its hard to care about the body that makes you weak
the vessel that makes you mortal
when this life has left you weathered
and you have given you you can give

the truth comes to the surface.
we never sleep
we close our eyes
we pretend that we are dead
but we haunt ourselves

one thing i know and i know it good
i know it well
the knife of this world will cut you
you wont know when or why
or even where you are bleeding out

but you know you are.
life is the heaviest in the smallest places
i am not big enough yet to celebrate your death
making myself ill so i dont have to face your child
the face of you
i mourn you

we cant ever take it back... not even this
you were an angel afather figure, an older brother
always stronger for us.
i failed you
i would give anything to take away the pain you felt on that fateful day
to let you see one day pass
so you knew how much we needed you
mistakes wash away
life is the ultimate redemption

you said no regrets
but you never had a chance to regret this
i regret it

you could never burn the bridge to my heart
i love you beyond worldy knowings

feel my love please now

Saturday, March 31, 2012


no sleep when you are near
you've seen my valley
you have yet to see my peak

my senses have declared civil war
when you touch me
my mouth goes dry
my skin screams

I let go just long enough to say fuck it
fuck the day we let each other down
you push me to understand you
to understand myself

im melting
i surrender and lay down
hands in the air
i bare witness

learning slowly to expect nothing
yet want everything

keep turning the pages in my brain
you've rattled my cage
let it begin