Saturday, June 16, 2012


The weekend has just begun!


wish you would shut me up
just grab me by my hair and shut me up
nothing is gonna make it better
so let get primitive
turn off the world
turn off the choices

we know what to do

you know what to do

so make it better
not forever
nothing is gonna fix forever

and nothing's gonna fix us

so why not

im your woman
for now
my heart holds the key to my legs

you still own a key to my heart

but im ready to change the locks

there is still fire
dont let it cool off
just yet

dance with me for one night
if tomorrow never comes
i still couldnt help feeling you tonight

time heals all wounds
and that is the sad truth
so i can only hold on so long

open my floodgates
i want to flood for you one more time

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Vicente + Micah = most fun ever

from london to miami to la to barcelona to new york city

and now back in LA

our love continues this weekend

new news

my website is underway, so exciting
photo shoot coming soon with my vintage weapon based accessory line
Holy Ship booked!! :) aussies and me
school re-start date June 19th , passed my entry examine with flying colors!!
new way of eating is coming along step by step
new music project with a super talented boy
business plan for 2013 up and running
writing much more often

iam very excited how this year is unfolding

the only thing holding me back was taking care of others, trying to make other people happy. even though it is still such a huge part of my character, im realizing who deserves my care and who does not.
once i stopped i looked around me and saw all the people that were just waiting to take care of me!

taking positive steps towards a more productive future

Monday, June 11, 2012

they always return

practice makes perfect
old lovers make old comments
my eyelids are heavy
yet sleep is not kind tonight
dramatic in text
bland in los angeles
how many risks can a girl take
you are the least of my problems
but you make a good story
hangover part 2 is a crime
i have no attraction left in me
im ready to leave the plane
thoughts are good enough for me
actions seem to be the only thing worth a damn
sick of patterns
loss of interest

they always come back
just a matter of when
or how many times

this week ive had plenty

im the one that got away

grass is greener
but never as green as my eyes

i feel an instant karma of self
writing gives a sense of release
type of vomit
i do not want the advice that i have asked for

im changing my mind all the time
chasing a yesterday
losing today

can not seem to feel
oh yeah
i get it
i was angry
now im not
i was sad
now im not
i was in love
now im not
i was blind
now my eyes are only shut

in my labryinth
i will emerge

i will not use spell check
i will not converge

im proud of my brain
and what wonder is me
what ever ill feelings
i give back to thee

building scar tissue
in the place where you once were
my minds eye has made you a shadow
drunk, smelly, mean shadow
somewhat of a blur

i no longer place you higher
you are right where you belong

my heart was big and shiny
looking at you with pureness
you shit on it
does that feel good?

im not looking to have the last word or show you someday
because you already feel it
i have gone away

no one left to look down on
im not there
i take me back

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Liar Liar

Liar Liar
your world is on fire
Liar Liar
fix your flat tire

energy flowing yet never the same
once fueled by passion
now fueled by pain

love in a vortex
new age bullshit
the teenage riot inside me
can never forget

Excuse me Mister
have you lost your mind?
you have broken a contract
that you forgot to sign

Liar Liar
you have no desire
Liar Liar
its always down to your wire

if i miss you then yes
maybe thats what im wanting
the longing
the pain that brings art

i dont know how to make sense of us
i see no known future

im happy with you
im happy without you
im sad with you
im sad without you

even the boss needs a boss

Friday, June 8, 2012


My step by step detox is going so well!
I have taken small steps and Im so proud to say I am really making progress and feel SO much better.
My next few steps this week are going to home depot this weekend to start my garden. I am removing meat from my diet, and I love my new habit of buying fresh food daily and COOKING!!

Meditation 20 minutes every morning
No more TV
More focused attention on my range of creativity
MUCH LESS alcohol
hot baths :)

the benefits I can see for sure are weight loss, clear skin, feeling healthy, energy, deeper sleep

please follow my new fb for great tips


I wish i had one in my house

Thursday, June 7, 2012

self love just got even more fun

I wrote about this years ago and not until just now am I actually accepting this as my practice!

Why I can have multiple orgasms to just thoughts of nature, or spend literally hours sometimes days to this!!

This has been something i have been doing since the age of 9. Now i understand my sexual energy is just where my body feels most in touch with self or higher self. I think clearly during and after as well as feeling a deep connection to the earth. Also why sex can be a somewhat religious experience and can give my relationships too much power (that other person) I find it healing. On a much deeper level then I ever could grasp before. Im only sharing these graphic details so if others female/male alike experience this they wont feel alone or shame like I did.

Its your body. Do not let others shame you for what you decide to do what it.
Meditation during masturbation can be a deeply moving experience and give you internal insight, relieve stress, get rid of headaches, and in my case acts like a workout/sauna.
No chance of pregnancy, STDS, or misguided relationships.
You connect to yourself, you learn what you enjoy and you work through whatever bizarre thoughts may pop into your mind. If you can accept your deep inner thoughts you can begin to work though them and sort out which ones serve you and which ones may be toxic and bring negativity into your life.

I suggest trying to remove all porn or typically used thoughts for arousal just use deep breathing and see where your mind leads you.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Thank you

you are giving me what i need
thank you
sometimes its hard for me to see

space and time
its just a dream
but i got what was in my mind's eye

i cant make you love you
your ego ate the day

one last destructive reflection
before i shift away

you are a beauty in my eyes
now its time for me to see myself

i am
so thank you

New Ladyhawke!! :)

Monday, June 4, 2012


So I found a white cabriolet!! only $1500. Im on the fence to buy it or not. Ive been car-free for 3 years and I love it, but I have always wanted this car... dun dun dun.

I have had a friend's car for the past couple of days and I must admit it has been nice. Last night I went to Universal city walk and Downtown within minutes.


Can you picture how cute I will be in it?? I CAN!!

stop the demand! make way for a new business community

YESSSSSSS!!!!! sooo good

You said you weren't looking

rattin,rye rye,sams,star wars, blow out fights,buddha mug jizz,wacko,dancing in the alley,shrooms,cops,car problems,burbank,wetface,margaritas,burbank,batting cage,lancers,pregnancy,birth control,nature trips,las vegas, mattress in the highway,stars in the sky, 90 mile an hour blowies,photo booths, dressing rooms,my bed,your bed,hard rock beds,hotel bathtubs,running from strip clubs, fights, make ups, make outs, ups, downs, sword fights, yogurtland, laughing, crying, falling for you,pissed at you, missing you, thinking about you, hard to let go,not getting what I want, too young, too far, excuses, no sex, more success, lying to ourselves to pass the time, heart hurts, such a waste, pretending to understand the reasons why it shouldn't work, every amazing thing worth having or happening has a million reasons why it shouldn't work why it should be impossible, I don't give a shit, life is too short for us to not have fun, play with me again! If we are all just characters in your world then I'm the lead role! The story line gets pretty dull without me, I wasn't done knowing you, I'm not sure I ever did. If I think too long I don't like the image so I'll end it here for now.

Friday, June 1, 2012


I am integrating my sites. :)


The detox is going well! (other then a few headaches)
My synchronicity with each small step and change is speeding up
listening to my heart and intuition is also increasingly easier
especially without my constant litering my body with toxic substance, food, humans
instead of my belief that a detox must be ALL or NOTHING
i have slowly retrained myself to remove one bad habit at a time
one false belief at a time
as i do my emotions and vibrations have lighten up
which helps me to continue by seeing a better version of myself everyday

Im going to track my progress and also share what I have been doing so that maybe this can help others. I do realize I have had the amazing opportunity of free time of the past few months, so this has allowed me to expand at my own rate. Also I must remind you it took me some months of partying and escaping to come to this state. My mind was not at ease with it's natural state. I have been in work field for over a decade sometimes working up to 80 hours a week! So my guilt was so strong when I did take this time off that i felt the need to escape my guilt with substance, outside love and acceptance. That was never the way! Only a way to cover up or mask. The truth is as soon as you understand you have NO NEED to escape and that all you need is inside love and acceptance, you will be free.

My first suggestion is self education!!

We live in an era where access to knowledge is the most accessible it has ever been in human history. If you are anything like me you have used this technological super era in way to benefit your short term needs for socializing, entertainment, or sexual release. Instead use this tool as a window to a new collective consciousness. I started with physics and metaphysics. As I studied I started to view my mind, heart, and soul in a completely different light.

I will link some websites and books that have helped me dramatically.

Second is realizing your true power as a consumer!!

I have always had this in me yet somewhere along the way I was either too lazy or lost allignment with my values. I am speaking of a few things. Personal consumption of food, drink, retail, entertainment...ect. For instance I have NEVER been a fan of horror films! I do not agree with the idea of glorifying gratuitous violence. Yet somewhere along the line having a best friend who makes horror films and having an ex husband who loved horror films I allowed myself to watch some films that did NOT allign with my values. This is just an example but think of how quickly this can be changed. I simply no longer watch what I do not want to see. Same goes for food and clothing. I am slowly coming back to my core values. No longer supporting companies who have no social responsibilities. Choosing to walk to my farmers market instead of a near by supermarket. Choosing to create my own clothing or buy from a local vendor. Supporting causes that allign with my values gives me happiness! We have been tricked along the years by marketing ploys that big labels, money, shiny things will give us joy. The truth is that is the grand illusion. Keeping the masses slaves to corporations. If you choose to unplug from the tv and mass appeal you will soon see it for what it truly is I promise.

Third is get into nature!

Something I have been craving for so long but never seemed to actually get around to doing. This week I have reconnected by hiking, sleeping outside, getting away from crowded areas, bars, ect. Without the pollution of outside sources it is so much easier to hear your true inner voice! What YOU really want and who YOU really are! Nature gives off such inspiration and beauty. Meditation in a silent place that is outside has done magic for me.

I hope this helps. I will update my progress and soon put up new websites including the collective I am part of.