Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I've watched your face for a long time
It's always the same
I've studied the cracks and the wrinkles
You were always so vain
Well, now you live your life like a shadow
In the pouring rain
Oh, it's called love
Yes, it's called love
Oh, it's called love
And it belongs to us
Oh, it dies so quickly
It grows so slowly
But when it dies, it dies for good
It's called love
And it belongs to everyone but us

I've lived my life in the valleys
I've lived my life on the hills
I've lived my life on alcohol
I've lived my life on pills
But it's called love
And it belongs to us
It's called love
And it's the only thing that's worth living for
It's called love
And it belongs to us
It's called love
Yes it's called love

Oh, love is found in the east and west
But when love is at home, it's the best
Love is the cure for every evil
Love is the air that supports the eagle
It's called love
And it's so un-cool
It's called love
And somehow it's become unmentionable
It's called love
And it belongs to every one of us
It's called love
And it cuts your life like a broken knife

Thursday, December 24, 2009

life's rejection

these moments of false hope
and the inner ward slide of rejection
they build in me
i feel a scream echo from the walls of my heart
what a perfect place for acoustics
the sounds travel around the pink flesh
it bounces and loses momentum
the scream fails to reach the outside
it becomes a sigh
and a small salty tear
and the lids shut
and the dreams begin
the show starts again at 9
so the lids open
to take the sidewalk

do we ever really admit what happens behind the closed door
the messy alone time
time spent in between public viewings
when the shoulders fall
and spirits crash

id like to see your messy alone time
im completely saturated with public viewing
and no one knows me
is being understood over rated?

this messy alone time is drowning my dreams
it has seeped into my public viewings
the curtains to my room are barely held shut
and each day is becoming a struggle to keep up the facade
of happy pink shades
glossy finish
dirty martinis

give me real
no more false hope

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

please watch and read along

I have memories like this
sweet and soft memories
eyes wide open
unknown fields of grass
and even the telephone wire seems to have wisdom
the buildings in the distance have seen more time then most
the trees have been through the wars
this train seem to hold me safe
as tears flow down my pink flushed cheeks
more emotion then my heart can bare
the symmetry and beauty in repetition
nothing is original
and it is ok
im ok
these soft memories will always be inside me
keeping me human
reminding me i can repeat history
love is not lost
its hiding
in a green field that stretches over mountains
and valleys
it leads me
to you
and when our eyes meet
you will become my soft
and these tears are yours


Sunday, December 20, 2009

sex and rain

the electricity flows from your fingertips to my spine sending a heatwave through my body that sweet white heat that reminds me i'm alive
push me to the ground force me to my knees i want to be the one to show you my body has no limits i'm here to do as you please my pulse races knowing where your lips are going
give me more.
make me scream.
and your not shy you make me bleed i bite down hard i push you inside the pleasure is sending tears to my eyes my body shakes in complete ectasy
this moment is why god made man
and even god would blush watching us
when we no longer have breath or sweat in our body
i'm still hungry for you
i can't stop. this pleasure turns to pain
the rain outside cleanses what we've done
my eternal desire

next in line

you can become the new reflection of my hearts desires
will you carry it well?
is anyone truly up to that challenge
my body is a vehicle that has seen many lands
and this journey seems to be in auto pilot
can you be the one to make me lose control?
take my hands to the wheel and make me pay attention
the world is shadows and i only see fragments
can you put the focus back on?
i want to see you

in my bedroom
i want to feel something
want the blood to stream through me like it once did
blue and violent
the passion that could flow through me
could light up this city
burn up the in me and vibrate your entire building

my cunning words and harsh disguise melts away
all that i have left is my body
my vehicle
put miles on me
take me to the depths
till my wheels fall off

up against the wall
up against the lights
up against the road

and in between
make me beg for it

Monday, December 14, 2009

thank you dana for sending me into a ville valo hole of obession

his face is circling my brain

its hard to know a man like him is out there

and not inside me
not next to me

Sunday, December 13, 2009


small talk
killing our society
easing the pain
silence is the cure
the latest gossip
and the best of zagat
who wore it best

the words that close the gap on our ever shrinking brains
the lowest form of entertainment
we choose the filth
none of us our innocent
especially the children
stop the reproduction

I feel something happening to me
a wave of darkness
like ink dripping and slipping
in my head and down my spine
i no longer know how to stop my metamorphosis

thought i wanted to find love
now i search for solitude
i know my need for love was selfish
only to patch up my empty hole
dying to fill it
dying to die

this feeling is my disease
killing me from within
filling the corners of my brain
whispers softly
shut down

run away from normal
burn the television
burn the newspaper
burn the cellphone
break down all life's comforts

and start from the start
start from black
from the hole
dig under you reality
and shake the disease

refuse the small talk
and cure my self with silence

Thursday, December 10, 2009

guilty pleasure

How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
Can't win your losing fight all the time
Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
You wont take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own
(I'm screaming "I love you so..." But my thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we've done?
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves

How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well

I think I know
I think I know
There is something that I see in you
It might kill me I want it to be true

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

my new bed

oh trouble will happen here

if you build it
dreams will come

not poetry

Just read the saddest thing I have ever read... a few minutes ago...
a guideline on to train yourself to be a slave to one man's needs
20 steps on how to "date" a "man"
step one - Lose your place in the world
step two - Do as he says not as he does
step three - forget the multitude of diseases he may or may not be spreading
step four - also throw your needs out the window as you will have no use for them, and he wont considered them

I got the same chill and flash of fury that I got the night I left
when I knew this was true
you see women as objects
this woman is your slave
and you dont even blink to keep a revolving door of "fans"
or extra women you pursue

I was cursed the day i ignored my instinct and responded to your message
I know you read this
and if you havent felt any remorse by now
for how you treat women
believe me your day will come
i hope you like being alone
TRULY alone
because there is no real love that requires rules
the love of a dictator
what love is that
i feel so sad for her

all the compassion i had for you has run out
out the door and into hers
she is a victim
of you and your pain
just like i was
and the ones before me
but she stays
and denies the truths around her
deals with the day to day disappointments you most SURELY bring her
will you be here?
can we eat this?

your way or the highway
and she longs for the acceptance in your eyes that will never come
I thought my father screwed me up
poor woman

you get what you create
a world of daddy issues
"i'm proud of you"
the four words that get your dick wet

and it's interesting that you exist
that you believe you're a good man
you've told yourself the words you need to hear to believe what you want
"I went to therapy"
"I have friends"
but yet you continue to treat them like garbage
the women
the woman
who would bake for you
or do your laundry
or believe that the other women are "fans"
that they somehow found you!
like there is a sign above your small apartment
with a neon sign saying "struggling artist"
oh please!

you found us
you searched for me
spent time on my capture
i would have been none the wiser that you were even on this earth
and I still cant tell which one I prefer
to know
or not to know

I would give anything for you to be real
real to her
real to yourself
real to anyone
as you say
as you think you are

because we are all good
you choose to do wrong
you choose to spit awful things from your mouth
degrade the woman on the other side of the table

make them "behind over backwards"
"jump threw hoops"
for what
what is this gift you speak of
does it ever come?
are there ever moonlit dinners
or romantic trips
or nights that revolve around her
I doubt it

you've worked too hard for that
not when there is still much work to be done

you think that one woman who lets you walk completely over them
without resistance
and in complete submission
will give you your soul back
or will give you the 11 years back

it wont
give love
not words
give actions
not video

believe in someone
as you would have said to me and countless others
but mean it

they all see this "good boy"
they want to release him
I much to young for that
I would not choose to waste my youth
on your twilight years
turning your rage into art
and wiping your ass

but she will
so love her
her pain is so out there
on facebook
for all your other lovers to see
pretending she can bare it
fooling only herself

dont let her choose
a life of slavery
to you
be kind
be loving
you are able
you are a good boy
turned bad man

the first words I ever said to you

bad boy turned bad man

i change that
i have true hope
when i look in your big blue eyes
that seem to ask forgiveness
that you are good inside
so try harder

be good to her
save yourself
from the pain
your body is riddled with
i promise you wont regret it

satan and eve

im still a slave to your heat
the danger we share
the past we cant escape
what drove us to the horrible present
the present that lets neither of us bend
the past that makes us reach for kindness in a stranger
only for short moments and
that waits for the other shoe to fall
happiness is brief
and of this we are both certain
happiness is uncomfortable
so we bath in heat
in small fires
in harsh endings
we control those endings
you control my pain
and I control my anger inside of me
you and i both crave the stability more then the heat
but neither of us has quite been able to figure out that part
so we continue down the fiery path
of hot sweaty instant happy
pure and vacant
the moments where no words are needed
control is given
and taken
you left me more lost then you found me
one giant push back into my shell
another man that hurt me
another reason to keep control
silly me i thought i was enlightened
silly you
foolish desires that led me back there
hateful brain for allowing me to remember
swollen throat, choking on the last words
and aching body beat up with regret
because i knew from the very first moment
you were no good for me
i saw the apple on the tree
and you were shiny and full of bitter sweet juices
it tasted so good
the poison i swallowed
you were going to make me wise
make me wiser then god
give me the knowledge of good and evil
until i noticed my naked body and realized where i was
and that i was naked
slither back to the garden
you made your point
and you are done with me now
Adam will never satisfy me and you know it
how dare you
give me your heat
and take it away
sneak into eden
one more time
god dares you
the past that haunts us
wont let you forget me
wont let me forget you
not that easy
i still taste your juices
dont you still want to give me
your knowledge

Friday, December 4, 2009


the world is my ocean
and i its island
surrounded by nothing just water
blue and shallow
crystal clear and stretched as far as my eyes can see
ive lost my love
my vision
i know exactly when but how do i get back
back to earth
guilty of living for lust
lust was not cheap
the dark electronic noises fill my brain
they excite me
lift my heavy head
heavy with nostalgia
the noises make me beat my fist gently on my thigh..
on the sand
on the branches
my beaches vibrate
sending waves through my world
they call your name
these vibrations reach you
the noises build in your head
you hear your name
you feel my waves
i invited you back
play in the water
crawl into my beach
these noises drown out reason
come back to lust
come back to the island
we create life here
we belong here
the music we've made can only be heard here
by us
only us
you make every inch of me tremble
and your touch is like magic
i want to die here
i no longer want a life away from our island
the sun fades
the moon brings enough light across your body
across my sunkissed shoulders
your stare is evil
it penetrates me
so complete
your voice is in my ear
then your teeth on my neck
you always knew
how raw i wanted it
the fire is blazing inside me
it makes me skin hot to the touch
and we lay like that long enough
till tears of longing stream down my face
and yours
we know this was the moment meant for us
you've never looked more pure
every line on your face dissappeared
we are immortal for this night
im only breathing to inhale your breathe
i want nothing that does not extend from your body
need you
you belong to this island

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the busy artist

i see you
yes you
not sure if you noticed
but you are seen
for your many forms of expression
and the beauty so deep inside you
not just the colors that burst through you
not just the social graces you possess
but you
the side i feel you are too scared to show
too busy to be vulnerable
running as fast as you can to catch up with the time you lost
or feel you've lost
you have a quiet strength that is so rare and precious
not sure that even you know how rare you are
im proud to know you
you make me happy
and give me hope
not for us
but for "us" humans
i see so many doors and windows in you
i just hope you let me know more of you
because you have so much beauty
hope you know this is for you