my first steps

writing was something i started in therapy at the ripe age of 14, to let the demons out, to free myself of thoughts only paper could handle. only months before i was a girl of god, a daughter of a righteous family. a family mislead by there church. a family mislead by the need to conceal. everyone had such high expectations of what this good looking, god fearing, wholesome family could achieve until one day. this girl of god broke. she jumped out of a window. she jumped into a strange car. this car lead her to a path that would alter her life. the life of her family. little did she know her family was based on reputation, and god would show no mercy on those with little reputation.

back to the car. i dove in the back seat laid close to the floor for at least a mile before she peaked up to the front seat. i didnt hear much except for the soft grunting of a 33 year old man. she knew what that grunting meant but i was scared to see. all i know is that my best friend is in the front seat with the man. the man with no face. my best friend poked her head over the front seat wiped her mouth and said "what took you so long!". all she could reply was "where are we going?" " I told you it's a surprise,why are you such a drag" i shrug and sink back into the floor, my eyes always get heavy when stress levels rise. i would fall asleep whenever danger was close. to this day i use sleep to escape anything, i must admit its not very constructive. the car drives for what seems like hours. we stop at an abandoned gold course. i see kennywood in the distance, something about the unlit rollercoaster was soothing and unsettling all at once. she tells me to stay on the bench, "his friend should be here soon" i lay down on the park bench and without fail my eyes become heavy and i am sleeping before she can get to the bottom of the hill.

i wake up startled. directly in eye shot only 2 feet away is a full grown dear. i freeze. the dear gets closer to my face for one long sniff then prances away. i feel a long cold chill through my body. every sense is heightened, my stomach is doing back flips. i have the sense i'm about to be changed forever, and im not wrong. slowly i stand and begin to walk down the slope of the golf course, through the patches of tall grass i see a pond. there is one weeping willow. at the the base of this beautiful tree trunk i see legs, 4 legs. my pace is slowing as i approach..the whole time im calling her name..still nothing. closer.closer. i hear it. that fimilar grunt. my stomach churns..is that? she jerks her head up and wipes her mouth again. his pants are down, he has no face. she screams "i told you to wait! his friend is on his way!!"

now im running..god can see me! this isnt happening...things will never be the same