Sunday, November 22, 2009

47 minutes

my small bed has never felt so good as it does 5 am
you proved that lightening can strike twice
and lightening strikes hard with no mercy
but i showed up...i came to my rescue
woke up in a panic and knew who you were
my own self hate..reflection of my fears
the person i never want to become
i saw it so clear it made my stomach jump into my breast plate
it made my entire body tremble
the drug has yet to leave my body
it didnt fill me this time
only left this horrible sick feeling swimming in my gut
terrified to see your true emptiness the void of human
but im not you
i have time
the phone full of self assuring text conversations can be erased
i can be true
the experiment of self loathing and shame has come full circle
i no longer desire this
i no longer desire you
i feel clean
im counting the minutes of my sobriety
so far i have 46 minutes clean
and each one feels better then the next

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