medicate

i am going through withdrawal
i realize now Ive been medicated with our sex
with that high
im fairly sure you have too
no need to truly hear me
when you can touch me
and i crave it still
however i craved your respect more
if you could only turn eyes to mine
you would see im full of forgiveness for you
all you have to is ask it
we have been through wars
and nothing will change our past
my soul wants peace with a man who has seen those wars
knows my battles
and sees my strength
i would gladly give anything for this man
but this man would never ask me to give my self respect
be my treasure let me wrap you in my arms
and never let you fall

what makes you turn to the comfort of your laptop
the comfort of your phone
the walls that surround you are trap doors
they fall and reappear
i never stood a chance
why did you tear up when i was leaving?
didnt you want me to leave
because i never wanted to
push me
im no different then the countless others you have undoubtedly done the same too
but you were different for me
im no match for the offense you have created in hopes to avoid true human contact
true love
i will never deny you my affection

did you hate being in my atmosphere?
did i scare you?
too close
were the stars not alined
you never budged an inch for me Mister
there are worlds inside me to explore
i never wanted someone inside more then you
the fire does not extinguise that easily
i hope i haunt your dreams
i hope you see my eyes when you close yours
remember me
remember how much control you had
you choose this for us
i spent the day in bed mourning you
how much pain would i be in if you were ever really mine and i lost you
i dont think i would survive it
you are so fucking beautiful
fuck me
i want to lick the lips god gave you
i want to reverse time and shake you
everything inside me is screaming out
show up!
show up!
give up
he decided a long time ago i was not the one
no angel
no saviour
not enough

if i was really listening to you and not your damn fingers
your damn written words
i would have heard the words that were always meant for me
"im not available for you"
"my love is a prize reserved for myself"
"im hurt and alone, and i am determined to stay this way"
"you are only an experiment"
"you presence makes me nervous"
"leave"

how stupid was i?
silly girl
silly silly silly girl

you knew from the start
you thought he might be a sheep in wolve's clothing
he doesnt want to let go of the wolf

let me tell you something Mr.
my love is worth a million others
the gift that could set you free
my love is blind for you
never limit you or judge you
it opens daily more and more
i would walk through fire for my love
find you anywhere and pull you out of your sorrow
once i give it
it never dies
but you refused it
test me
test me
but never disrespect me
love is patient
love is kind
and so am i
however i will not be a toy
i am not a child

you can no longer use your bed to skip over the issues
if you want me you can find me
fight for me
show me i was wrong
you are capable
you never wanted to hurt me
show me

show up
show up

show me this love you have inside
the unbridled passion
the romance
the respect

you said you adore me
well i adore you

fix it
be my man
strong enough to fix this
strong enough to let me in